Someone I love has depression.

It’s a fight with no winners, only those who live to fight another day. Even for us support staff, it’s a long, awful slog. As much as I try, my love and support mostly get through belatedly, only making an impact in the better times and not in the worse ones.

But I’m not giving up.

My efforts are still valuable, even if not in the ways or at the times when I would like them to be. My tenacity is valuable. My determination is valuable. My work has meaning, even if sometimes the meaning is simply this: I choose to be a person who doesn’t give up on the people they love. I choose to live my life fighting entropy and darkness, loneliness and pain. I don’t have to win to be a warrior, and for that to matter.

And more.

Relationships are not a zero-sum game. By giving more, I do not have less left for myself. Rather, giving is one axis of connection, and connection is what matters to me. By giving now, I celebrate the abundance that I have. By giving what I can, when I can, I cultivate my generous spirit. Certainly I am also looking forward to better days, but how I live in this moment is equally important to me. My choices have to be worthwhile on their own merit, not just in the hope of future remuneration. And what’s important to me today is holding my life up to the sun, that any stray refracted rainbow might add vibrancy to someone else’s life. What’s important to me is learning, every day, to be a warrior for love.

I try my hardest, and it’s worth everything.

“Battle Cry” by Claire Guerreso, You Tube video