Building resilience for everyday awesomeness: the struggle with anxiety.

I am generally a fairly grounded person, but there are a few key areas where my anxiety goes into overdrive, causing me to avoid doing important things or, when faced with them urgently, shut down entirely. I’ve struggled with this for all of my adult life, and while I can point to moments when the right support from someone else at the right time made all the difference, ultimately it has had to be my own fight for growth. Leaning on other people has gotten me through specific tasks or situations, but it’s not the way to develop my own strength. So I’ve been thinking about how I do approach the things that make me feel like shutting down and running away. What methods have been successful for me in both getting through and getting stronger. Because if one thing is certain, it’s that I’m going to need them again.

1. Decide to begin. This is your choice, and you are stepping up to deal with things like a boss. Gold star!
2. Find your motivation. Build in rewards as necessary. It works best for me if this is always a positive motivation. Using fear of a bad outcome to force down fear of doing something hard builds less strength for facing the next situation. Pull, don’t push.
3. Break things into bite-sized pieces. Create mini tasks that are tough, but not overwhelming.
4. Take it at your pace. You pushing yourself is fine, other people pressuring you, not so much. The whole point is to ride that edge between pushing for growth and shutting down in fear. Other people won’t know where that edge is for you.
5. Remember, it is okay if things take you longer than you think they should, or longer than they might take other people. But, be completely honest with yourself about what you can handle. Don’t let waiting for a day when you feel like you can take on more than usual turn into avoiding dealing with the situation entirely. Remember your motivation–you have already chosen to engage!
6. Check in with your cheering squad. Accountability can be built in by declaring your intent to do something tough ahead of time, but is not absolutely necessary. Be sure that whoever you’re checking in with understands how hard it was for you to do whatever task you had set for yourself. Fellow travelers through the wilds of anxiety can make the best check-in buddies, but anyone who really gets you can do this.
7. Multiple exposures to the triggers for your anxiety will build tolerance, but it’s going to still feel hard. You’ll build your confidence that you *can* do these hard things, but you may never feel comfortable doing them. That’s okay.
8. Savor your sense of accomplishment, even if you’re only finishing one tiny step. You earned it! Don’t compare yourself to others, compare yourself to you from yesterday.
9. And if you didn’t get as far today as you had hoped, practice compassion. You will get up tomorrow and try again. Make time to take care of yourself and recharge your reserves for the next part of your struggle. How about a nice cup of tea? Collect some hugs. Go get a good night’s sleep.