I recently read this awesome article: 5 Assumptions Behind the ‘Fear of Missing Out’ That Are Actually Really Ableist and it really got me thinking about my own relationship with staying in and going out.

I’m a homebody, pure and simple, and having a chronic health condition reinforces that natural tendency. Not only do I enjoy the comforts of home, but I start to get into an anxiety-based mindset around protecting my health and well-being that adds impetus to my inclination to stay home. Sometimes I overcome these hurdles, and go out, and it feels really rewarding and recharging to make social connections and hang out with people. Sometimes I go out and I spend a great deal of my energy managing my pain while trying to navigate a social situation. Sometimes I go out and wake up the next day very sorry that I did. A lot of times I stay in, and wonder if I’m making the right choice, or if I’m being overprotective of my health to the detriment of my sociability.

It’s a tough thing to navigate.

Yesterday, I went on a long, wonderful hike with a friend, and went out to a discussion group in the evening that I really enjoyed. I’m feeling–not perfect–but better than I had expected/feared, and glad that I made the ‘right’ choice this time. But that doesn’t mean I can follow that path like a template. Every single time I consider social activities, I have to assess my physical condition and try to make the right decision in that moment. It’s particularly hard to RSVP for events, guessing ahead of time whether I’ll be able to manage them.

Be gentle with me, and I’ll try to be gentle with myself. It’s okay to go out. It’s okay to stay in. Keep listening to the body’s wisdom.